Confessions: I Am....Glorious???

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?
These are the lyrics from a song that's been on my heart lately.  It's David Crowder Band's "Everything Glorious."  Go watch the video.  I mean it, go.  Now.

I feel like I have spent my whole life feeling self-conscious or not good enough.  It started in elementary school when I had a lisp and had to go to speech class.  Even to this day, I'm convinced I have a lisp, even though I never seem to hear it when I hear my voice on tape. 

That's who I am;

• I'm the girl with the lisp.
• I'm the girl who was called "Ms. Dull" in 3rd grade because I wasn't part of the popular girls.
• I'm the nerd because I played the trombone in high school.
• I'm the girl who isn't smart because I have trouble with math.
• I'm the girl with the knobby knees who always hated wearing shorts.
• I'm the girl boys didn't want to date.
• I'm the girl who feels like she can't do anything right, yet spends all of her time trying to please other people.
• I'm the girl.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.  I struggle with my self-esteem.  But I had a 'God Moment' tonight.  What's a 'God Moment?'  Well for me, it's when I'm struggling with something and maybe God puts a song in my head or sends a friend my way.  Or I'm praying and I hear that small voice that isn't mine whispering the words I need to hear.  Maybe not the words I want to hear, but the words I NEED to hear.  Tonight was the night when I heard God's gentle whisper.

I'm reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan for my lifegroup.  I was reading the first chapter tonight and was struck by the awesome power of God.  I mean, think about it; God created the Heavens and the Earth.  And he created the stars and the solar system; he created the plants and animals.  God created the oceans and the bugs and the materials we use everyday!  And that same God who created the entire universe loves ME.  He loves me!  In light of everything He is and everything He's done, I am nothing.  But still he loves me.  And if you need further proof of this, God sent his only son, his perfect son, to be mocked, beaten, bruised, crucified for our sins.  That is love.  That is....Unfathomable. Indescribable. Incredible. Unbelievable. Amazing. 

Think about Colossians 1:16.  "For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him."

If I believe that the Bible is 100% true, which I do, (see 2 Timothy 3:16) then that means that everything God created, including me, was made by and for Him.  At first I focused on the part that said 'by him' which brought to mind the song from the beginning of this post -- Everything Glorious.  I'm not glorious by the world's standards.  I'm not beautiful; I'm not famous; I'm not rich.  I'm not perfect.  But God made me just the way I am for a reason, lisp (or no lisp) and all.  And that is beautiful.  So while I might still choose different legs if I had the choice or to have been popular in high school, God doesn't make mistakes and I can take comfort in that.  I may make mistakes all on my own, but that's my own fault.  I can be confident in being a creation of God.

Then I looked at that verse from the perspective of being made 'for him.'  Wow!  I'm doing a lousy job if I was made for him.  Colossians 3:17 says 'And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.'  I can't honestly say that everything I do brings God glory.  I was terribly convicted by the thought that I should love God enough, just for who He is and what He's done, to want to do a better job at living my life in a way that glorifies His name.  So I started to pray.  And I don't know what I expected....a flash of light; a tap on the shoulder from the King of Kings; a heavenly choir, perhaps?  But I prayed and I was bold and told God exactly what I wanted Him to give me.  I said, "God, make me fall in love with you.  Give me a love for you that is unmatched by anything else.  You're going to have to change me to do it."  I love God.  I do.  I just want to love him more.  And that was my prayer.  And I sat there....and nothing happened.  No lightning bolts, no instantaneous change, to supernatural shoulder tap from God...and I started to chuckle a little bit and tell God that I didn't really expect that kind of stuff to happen...and then I heard it. "Are you prepared?"  God was asking me if I was prepared for my prayer to be answered!  Am I prepared to be changed so I can love God more?  Change is always scary.  And I don't like change.  Not one little bit.  But this time, I think it's going to work out just fine.