Confessions: What's Your Porn???

Oh my!  When I saw that as a title on one of the Christian blogs I read, I was kind of stunned.  "A Christian used the 'P' word!" my mind whispered.  Curiosity got the best of me, as I wondered what in the world they could have written about.  Turns out, it was a pretty great video having very little to do with porn and more to do with our own convictions.  The author, Joy Eggerichs, talked about reasons why men turn to porn and how the consequences of that behavior can be similar to the consequences of reading christian romances.  Well let me tell you I was intrigued.  I'm sure most of us can see how porn and trashy romance novels are not the best choice for us, but including Christian romances in with that list?  If God hadn't had to work through this in my life last year, I would have found this idea very surprising.

Reasons For Watching Porn (as stated by men):

1. It's an escape
2. It's a stress reliever

And pretty soon, that 'escape' or 'stress reliever' has a man comparing the subjects he is watching to his wife, and feeling dissatisfied.  He finds his wife wanting because she doesn't look, or behave, like the women in the videos.  His life isn't as exciting as whatever goes on in porn videos.

Makes sense, right?

But then she talked about reasons why a person reads Christian romance novels.  This might be a new concept for you!

Reasons for Reading Christian Romances:

1. It's a escape
2. It's a stress reliever
3. Idealism (what to look for in a potential spouse)

And after awhile, those same reasons can also cause readers to become dissatisfied with our spouse, wishing he would act and talk more like that characters in the novels we read.  We lose our contentment with the life God has given us, wanting instead, the romantic or adventurous life of the heroine in the novel.

Don't get me wrong, not all Christian women struggle with this.  Personal convictions are just that -- personal, different for everyone.  But like I said before, this is something God had to convict me about last year.  I had just had a baby, I was exhausted, fat, depressed and stressed with a messy house and a never ending mountain of dirty laundry and baby bottles.  Reading Christian romances were wonderful, at first.  It gave me a chance to escape my reality while the kids napped or my husband watched TV at night.  But then I found myself feeling disgruntled and irritated, wishing my husband acted more like the men in the books I'd been reading. 

• Why doesn't he hold my hand all the time? 
• Why doesn't he make impassioned speeches about how much he loves me? 
• Where's the romance? 
• Why isn't he fighting for my love? 
• Why is my life so boring? 
• Is there something wrong with me?  Or him? 
• Does he REALLY love me? 

I lost my contentment in my marriage.  Thankfully, God showed me that these books were becoming my standard for reality.  But they were far from reality.  Becoming aware of what I was doing made me feel so guilty!  Something that started out so innocently really became a problem for me.  But you know something?  This can happen with anything we use to escape from our lives -- we should be turning to God, but instead we turn to books, food, movies, shopping, exercise.  In moderation these things are all fine, but in excess, they can start to rule our lives, replacing God as our number one during good times and bad. 

Just to clarify:

Am I saying porn is bad?  Yes!!
Am I saying Christian romances are bad?  No! 

There are still a couple authors I do still read.  I have learned to read in moderation.  I remember that I need to be careful to know why I'm reading them, and to remember that they are stories, not reality.  Nobody's life is like the lives of characters in books!  I also need to be careful that I'm reading for pleasure, not to escape the stress and pain of my own life.  I need to be going to God when I've struggling, feeling depressed or stressed.

I think God is so amazing!  The past few weeks have been very eye opening for me.  God's been showing me that I need to do a better job of showing my husband that I love and respect him.  Or actually, I should say respect and love him.  It seems like every day He's showing and confirming this idea to me.  I'm seeing it in the video blog today, other Christian blogs I read, my current Bible study and the book I'm reading.  So stayed tuned later this week to read about my newest challenge: Show Him the Lovin'!

In the meantime, check out the What's Your Porn video over at Roo Mag.  She explains it so much better that I did.  I really enjoyed it.

~Heather~