30 Days of Thankful -- Day 19

Wow!  I have so much to be thankful for today!  Instead of sharing what my 4 categories of thankfulness are today, I thought I'd list some of the items on my thankful list....including some new ones I added after a really fun Girls Night Out with some ladies from church.

1. God
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Friends with hot tubs (thanks Jane!)
5. My health
6. Good meds to keep my rheumatoid arthritis under control
7. My hard working husband
8. friends from my church who listen even when I'm completely irrational!
9. Children's Ministry
10. my dishwasher
11. my washer and dryer
12. my son's school
13. my home
14. no car payment
15. all my shoes
16. being able to stay at home while my kids are young
17. 3 healthy kids
18. this blog
19. my ability to write (even when I do make mistakes)
20. God's forgiveness

I think 20 is good for today, and it took my probably less than 5 minutes to type them all out.   I've been trying to remind myself that when I'm feeling unthankful, or whiny, to just imagine how I'd have to do that particular job 200 years ago....it makes laundry and loading the dishwasher so much easier!  Have a great day!

~Heather~

Show Him the Lovin' in March!

Now that I've officially gotten your attention, we can get down to business!  MEN ARE COMPLICATED!  Can I get an 'Amen!'  Just when I feel like I've finally got a good understanding of how my husband operates I feel like the rules change!  It can be very frustrating!  Plus, it makes me feel like I don't know him very well, and since we've been married for almost 8 years, and together almost 10, there are certain things I should definitely know!  I don't expect to know everything about him, but I never want to think I know enough, or give up trying to figure him out.  I hope he feels the same way about me :)

With that being said, March is just around the corner, and I'm so excited for my new challenge!  It's really a challenge for myself, but I'm inviting YOU to participate, or just come along for the journey!  Let me back up, and explain where my heart has been lately.  I'm been reading several new blogs (posted on my sidebar) and books, as well as the current Bible study I'm involved in, and somehow, they all deal with the same subject.  Coincidence?  I think not.  What's the subject, you are probably wondering?  Well, lately I've been wondering if I'm doing a good enough job showing my husband that I love him.  I'll give you an example; it's embarrassing, but I want to share with you so you see where I'm coming from.

I hate to shave my legs.  In the winter time, I can get aways with shaving less frequently.  And it is wintertime.  And the hair on my legs is blonde.  Plus, I have 3 kids..ages 5, 4 and 10 months.  I'm busy; I'm tired.  Shaving is really low on my list of priorities.  But early this winter, my husband made a comment about my hairy legs.  I got mad, and being the super mature person I am, made a vow then and there that my legs wouldn't get shaved again until spring.  I only caved once when I had to wear a bathing suit at a birthday party.  (No sense in scaring people, right?)  Of course I felt that I was perfectly justified in this attitude because he called me out on my hairy legs.  But was I right?  No.  It wasn't right for him to make a comment about it, but I was just as wrong for my response, because I'm not responsible for his actions, only my own actions, or reactions.  And if I'm being honest, my thought was, "well, if he wants sex badly enough, he'll deal with my hairy legs" thrown in with a little "I'll teach you to criticize me" just for good measure.  But God's been whispering to me that this attitude is wrong.  So a few days ago, I shaved.  I want my husband to know that I love him.  I want him to see that his opinions are important to me (not that I will do everything he wants).  I want him to see that even though I'm tired and busy, I'm making the effort for him.  And in this instance, I was choosing not to make an effort.  I want him to see that I choose him over a silly argument about hairy legs.

That was just one example, a silly one at that, but there are lots of things I'm doing, or not doing, that don't reflect the attitude of a loving wife.  And God's been convicting me of that lately.  I want my husband to know that no one (except God) will cherish him the way I do.  And if I cherish him, shouldn't I act like it?  My love for him should be selfless -- doing things for him because I love him, or because it's in his best interest, not doing things for me and saying it's because I love him.  There are a thousand little ways that I can show my husband how much I admire, love, respect and appreciate him.  Yes, I went there...I said the 'R' word.  RESPECT!  I'm finding that my husband equates respect with love.  If he knows I respect him, he knows I love him.

 

PLEASE DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME, I am not an advocate of the 'Stepford Wife.'  My husband is perfectly capable of taking care of himself.  I don't wait on him hand and foot, but I do enjoy doing things for him to show that I appreciate what he does during the day.  He works incredibly hard to provide for our family so I can stay home with the kids.  I want to do more than just cook his meal and wash his clothes to show him I love him.  I want to do more than just say the words.  And I could definitely be doing a better job in this area. 




Keeping that in mind, I am officially declaring March......(drum roll)............. Show Him the Lovin' Month.  Before your minds go directly to the gutter, let me explain my concept.  And no, it's not ALL about sex.  During the month of March I will be posting ideas, or challenges, that you can do to show your husband what he means to you.  I'm also going to try to post ideas for things you can do if your spouse happens to be in the military and is deployed, or works out of state, or even travels a lot. 

If you've ever seen the movie Fireproof, you know that the main character does what's known as The Love Dare for his wife to try to save their marriage.  It was a really broken relationship, yet God was able to restore their love.  Some of you may have even bought The Love Dare book and done it for your spouse.  I did it a few years ago, and found that it did make a big difference. My idea is similar, in that it dares you to love your husband.  This might sound scary to some of you.  You might be thinking, "what if he laughs, or acts like it's stupid?"  Or, "what if he doesn't even notice?"  Well, that's certainly a possibility, especially at first.  But if you are truly doing this to show  your husband that you love him, that fear shouldn't be a deterrant.  God will see your heart, and your motives, and bless you for it.  So I dare you....Show Him the Lovin'!  Make him realize that you love him more than you did the day you got married!  Let him know that HE is the only one for YOU!  I think it will make a big difference in our lives, and our marriages.

So stayed tuned in March for some great ideas to Show Your Husband You Love Him!  And if you have a great idea, leave a comment!  I probably won't post it, just so we don't start things off early, but I will give you credit if I use your idea!  So make sure you leave your name!

30 Days of Thankful -- Day 18

ChOOSE TO BE

It's all a choice.  What do you choose today?  I choose to be thankful in spite of....

Personal
I choose to be thankful that I can walk up and down the stairs, even when my knees hurt.  Many people are not as fortunate.  Just because they hurt today doesn't mean they will hurt tomorrow.

School/Work
I'm thankful I can keep my daughter home from preschool on days when she is sick, even if she is cranky.

Church
I'm thankful for the people in my church, even when if one of them does something hurt.  I hope I can extend the same grace to them the God gave to me.  I also pray to remember that I am far from perfect and make many mistakes as well.

Family
I'm thankful for my crazy family, even when they are interfering, butting in or giving unsolicited advice!  They are so wonderful!  When we all get together, we're loud and I'm sure we're obnoxious!  We laugh, sometimes argue, tease and just have fun together!  I wouldn't trade them for the world.

30 Days of Thankful -- Day 17

Day 17 -- we're more than halfway through.  Are you having to make an effort to find things to be thankful for yet?  Some days are a stretch, to be honest.  But you know what?  Being thankful does take hard work.  We are so conditioned to think, or expect, the worst, that it's hard for us to make our minds transition to optimism.  Have you ever heard the saying that the times you LEAST WANT to pray are the times you MOST NEED to pray?  It's sort of the same concept as being thankful.  The more pessimistic you feel, the more you NEED to choose optimism.  I am finding that once I get through the first category (still the hardest one for me) the rest comes pretty easily.  Once I make myself sit down to make out my list, I'm so glad I did.  I hope you are feeling just as blessed!

~Heather~

Personal
I am thankful that I'm not the kind of person who is caught up in perfection.  Sure, I do the best I can, and I'll try my hardest to not make mistakes, but I've learned that I can't keep beating myself up for making mistakes.  The only thing I can do is learn from them and move on.  Thank goodness God loves me in spite of myself!

School/Work
Once again, I am so thankful that I am home during the day, especially on the days when my Mom gets out of work early.  Then we can spend some time together!  Today is just that day!  Can't wait!

Church
I'm thankful for the church custodian.  I know that I can count on her to have the children's church rooms clean and ready for use each Sunday.  I'm pretty sure she is very underappreciated!

Family
I love that my kids love music.  Listening to them sing is such a blessing for me. They get so excited when we sing at church, or when a worship song they know comes on the radio.  My kids are the greatest!

30 Days of Thankful -- Day 16

Personal --
I'm so thankful that God's going to give me the strength for today, because I'm so tired!  We have ballet this afternoon and Tae Kwon do this evening, we are busy!  I dread Tuesday each week, but at the end of the day, I think, "This Tuesday wasn't so bad."

School/Work --
Thankful to have been home to get our taxes done!

Church --
Thankful that the heat was working ok last night during our bible study!  (It's the little things sometimes!)

Family --
I'm thankful that our new fish, King Big Fin, the Explorer, survived his first night as a member of the Bang family!  The kids would have been very sad to have to flush him this morning....

Have a blessed rest of the day!
~Heather~

Confessions: What's Your Porn???

Oh my!  When I saw that as a title on one of the Christian blogs I read, I was kind of stunned.  "A Christian used the 'P' word!" my mind whispered.  Curiosity got the best of me, as I wondered what in the world they could have written about.  Turns out, it was a pretty great video having very little to do with porn and more to do with our own convictions.  The author, Joy Eggerichs, talked about reasons why men turn to porn and how the consequences of that behavior can be similar to the consequences of reading christian romances.  Well let me tell you I was intrigued.  I'm sure most of us can see how porn and trashy romance novels are not the best choice for us, but including Christian romances in with that list?  If God hadn't had to work through this in my life last year, I would have found this idea very surprising.

Reasons For Watching Porn (as stated by men):

1. It's an escape
2. It's a stress reliever

And pretty soon, that 'escape' or 'stress reliever' has a man comparing the subjects he is watching to his wife, and feeling dissatisfied.  He finds his wife wanting because she doesn't look, or behave, like the women in the videos.  His life isn't as exciting as whatever goes on in porn videos.

Makes sense, right?

But then she talked about reasons why a person reads Christian romance novels.  This might be a new concept for you!

Reasons for Reading Christian Romances:

1. It's a escape
2. It's a stress reliever
3. Idealism (what to look for in a potential spouse)

And after awhile, those same reasons can also cause readers to become dissatisfied with our spouse, wishing he would act and talk more like that characters in the novels we read.  We lose our contentment with the life God has given us, wanting instead, the romantic or adventurous life of the heroine in the novel.

Don't get me wrong, not all Christian women struggle with this.  Personal convictions are just that -- personal, different for everyone.  But like I said before, this is something God had to convict me about last year.  I had just had a baby, I was exhausted, fat, depressed and stressed with a messy house and a never ending mountain of dirty laundry and baby bottles.  Reading Christian romances were wonderful, at first.  It gave me a chance to escape my reality while the kids napped or my husband watched TV at night.  But then I found myself feeling disgruntled and irritated, wishing my husband acted more like the men in the books I'd been reading. 

• Why doesn't he hold my hand all the time? 
• Why doesn't he make impassioned speeches about how much he loves me? 
• Where's the romance? 
• Why isn't he fighting for my love? 
• Why is my life so boring? 
• Is there something wrong with me?  Or him? 
• Does he REALLY love me? 

I lost my contentment in my marriage.  Thankfully, God showed me that these books were becoming my standard for reality.  But they were far from reality.  Becoming aware of what I was doing made me feel so guilty!  Something that started out so innocently really became a problem for me.  But you know something?  This can happen with anything we use to escape from our lives -- we should be turning to God, but instead we turn to books, food, movies, shopping, exercise.  In moderation these things are all fine, but in excess, they can start to rule our lives, replacing God as our number one during good times and bad. 

Just to clarify:

Am I saying porn is bad?  Yes!!
Am I saying Christian romances are bad?  No! 

There are still a couple authors I do still read.  I have learned to read in moderation.  I remember that I need to be careful to know why I'm reading them, and to remember that they are stories, not reality.  Nobody's life is like the lives of characters in books!  I also need to be careful that I'm reading for pleasure, not to escape the stress and pain of my own life.  I need to be going to God when I've struggling, feeling depressed or stressed.

I think God is so amazing!  The past few weeks have been very eye opening for me.  God's been showing me that I need to do a better job of showing my husband that I love and respect him.  Or actually, I should say respect and love him.  It seems like every day He's showing and confirming this idea to me.  I'm seeing it in the video blog today, other Christian blogs I read, my current Bible study and the book I'm reading.  So stayed tuned later this week to read about my newest challenge: Show Him the Lovin'!

In the meantime, check out the What's Your Porn video over at Roo Mag.  She explains it so much better that I did.  I really enjoyed it.

~Heather~

30 Days of Thankful -- Day 15

We're halfway there!  Congratulations on making it this far!  And if you're like me, you may have missed a day.  My prayer is that you noticed a difference on the day(s) you missed.  I know I did.  And it's something I don't want to happen again.

Day 15!

Personal
I never used to like other people's kids.  If you know me, you might find this comment hysterical!  I lead my church's Children's Ministry.  How can someone who only likes her own kids lead a ministry like this, you might be asking?  Well it's not through my own strength!  I truly believe it was something supernatural.  There was no flash of lightning -- nothing hit me on the head.  I just felt like God wanted me to take over this ministry.  I think the biggest thing for me, was that I was obedient.  And once I was obedient to His will, God gave me an overwhelming love for each child in my church.  So today, I am thankful for the love I have for the children in my church.

School/Work
I'm thankful for days like this, when I can spend the day at home with my kids, setting up the fish tank they've been begging for!

Church
I'm feeling thankful for the pastors in my church -- these are men who stand up for, and support ministry leaders.  That kind of support is immeasurable.

Family
There really no rules that said we couldn't be thankful for the same thing throughout the course of this 30 days.  My husband is such a good man.  I am so thankful for him.  Is he perfect?  No.  But he's perfect for me.  He has to put up with me on a daily basis, and I'll admit to being kind of high maintenance.  I get my feelings hurt easily, I get lonely easily, I'm insecure.  But he still loves me.  I've kind of tested this the last few days (not on purpose).  They've been rough days for me since I gave up caffeine cold turkey (unintentionally, but that is another story).  I've been mean and miserable, but he hasn't gotten mean or miserable in return.  In fact, he's been loving and understanding, even when I haven't wanted to be around him!  I've got a good husband, and I'm so thankful for him!